You
know you live in West Africa when you find a gross looking pussy bite on your
side and your first thought is “I hope there is not a worm in that.” You know
you’re in West Africa when complete strangers invite you to eat lunch with them
on the street. When 80 year old men propose to you but are deterred when you
tell them you don’t work in fields. When people call you a bean eater and then
laugh good naturedly. When children run up to you like you are Mickey Mouse and
shout Tobabou or Forteh (Foreigner!). You know you are in West Africa when
people hiss at you to get you attention. When men say “You drive? No, where is
your chauffer?” If it acceptable to propose after asking the woman’s name. When
people ask you how Obama is doing and you say “I don’t know I’ll ask him some
time,” and they believe you. When being told your fat is a compliment. When you
buy fabric one day and have a tailor made outfit the next day. When people call
and take orders for cheddar cheese because it is so cheap in neighboring
countries, meaning it is not $20. When bacon bits is a stellar Christmas gift. You
know you live in West Africa when you see a moto (Motorcycle) pass with two
people and two goats and you think “what a waist, they could have tied at least
three chickens on the back.” You know you live in West Africa when your taxi
driver stops at the Mosque so all his passengers can go pray. If you are able
to get out of a ticket by telling the police officer “I am sorry but I have no
husband to teach me how to drive.” When your taxi breaks down twice and has two
flat tires and then the driver decides to take a nap and not one of the 9
passengers (in a 7 seat vehicle) say one word of complaint to the driver. You
know you live in West Africa when you realize six flags is just a cheap
imitation of African back roading. When you hit a pot hole so hard everyone in
the car hits the ceiling, when you apologize all the Africans blame the road,
while all the Americans blame you. When
a child pinches you to see if she can get through to the black. When you stop
breaking for chickens, honk at goats, swerve for sheep, approach cows with
caution (noting their number, position and direction), but always stop for
donkeys. When seeing a goat at the beach ceases to be weird. If it is raining
you know it is naked day/ bath time for all the kids in the neighborhood. When
you don’t think twice about scolding someone else’s kid. If you witness an accident
and the first thing you hear is “Oh Allah!” When people give you a live chicken
as a welcoming gift, and you genuinely get pretty excited about it. When
someone hands you a spoon to eat rice and you feel a little offended. You
realize your host really likes you because he included the chicken head in your
dish. When you drink out of a plastic bag without spilling juice on yourself. When
you ask, “is the monkey a pet or dinner?”
